He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
