I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
