Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
