the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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