Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
