I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
