I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
