I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
