I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
