ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
