the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
