Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this just has baby written all over it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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