Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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