I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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