When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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