at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
