so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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