hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
