I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
