The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
