I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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