The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize