I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize