He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
