Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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