hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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