Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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