I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
