If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
