Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize