Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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