"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize