8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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