Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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