why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
