one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
