the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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