I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i think i just lost a toe
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My feet surprised me
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