Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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