I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think my vagina is haunted
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
