Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
