I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize