We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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