Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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