Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's blow job season.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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