but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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