the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
