you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize