I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
