i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
