: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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