Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
