found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
