is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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