So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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