I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
