She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
