You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
