i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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