i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize