i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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