i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am naked and annoyed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
