Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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